Well I'm still alive!! Just!!
The new job has taken its toll on the time I have to blog. I have missed it. And all of you. The support has been incredible and I am still getting emails and msn messages.
Please feel free to email me erin_cable42@live.com or on msn using the same email.
The job is all in the planning at the moment. I'm sure the teachers out there can understand what I am going through. Never taught before...don't really like standing up in front of a crowd...what was I thinkin??? Dunno..haha I am looking forward to getting at least one person to love the nursing profession as much as I do. I like helping...maybe to much.
On a more personal note...things remain a bit tough emotionally. I'm not comfort eating and that does cause a drama sometimes because I react to things I would normally forget in the arms of a chocolate or icecream. I have got to 96.2kg and it's the next few that are seemingly doing my head in. I won't go into details here but a couple of yrs ago...this weight...something happened that changed the way I looked at my life and at the things that I think are important compared to what others think are important. I ate through that....I ate to feel better..it didn't help, not even a little and not even for a second. Every time I ate...I felt sadder and when I ate not to feel sadder I got fatter..etc. I just decided that I wanted to be ok with what I ate....maybe that would help. Well somedays I use the power that I have gained over food to feel better about the other things in my life. Somedays...it doesn't make a single bit of difference what I weigh I feel unloved and alone and can't get rid of the sadness...but....then someone will email...or message...or text and my light will shine and I will get the spring in my step.
Thankyou...to my friends. I know without you I wouldn't have succeeded this far and I couldnt have made the desision to let me be first!!! Just this once...I like who I am becoming..but not everyone I know does....watch this space!!!
I will get my daughter to take another photo...I am hanging out to be under 90kg. I think it will be the changing moment of 20 yrs of sadness from wanting to be in control of something and not being able to get a grip on self control...
Good luck everyone...thankyou for reading...posting...emailing, texting and just being you. I will try really hard to blog more often!!!
Luv you all.x.x.x
Lions Change - over Dinner
Erin - 10 July 2010 (94.9kg)
Erin in Brisbane
94.9kg
Erin 15 Feb 2010
111.7kg
Hi Erin,
ReplyDeleteFunny how when we start not suffocating feelings and reactions with food that other people feel threatened by that. Finally our passive responses turn into assertiveness - we express our needs and those who've never had to consider our wants, rights and needs don't like it.
You are doing this for you and whilst our physical person is a projection of how we have treated ourselves in the past, it is not the ultimate measure of our worth. You are worthy, and you can have anything you want.
Liv
Grear work, you can definately see the change! Keep it up!
ReplyDeletep.s - check out my blog for a Giveaway : )
Hello Erin! It's great to hear from you again! I know how busy you've been over the past couple of weeks!
ReplyDeleteYes, as Liv said, sometimes our dearest and nearest are threatened by the "new" people we become when we take time out for ourselves!
I know that many relationships - both partners and friends - can't sustain the change!
Whatever happens, remember to treat yourself well and listen to your gut feelings!
Only you know what's best for you!
We are here to help and support you through the good and bad times!
I know without my support system here, I would have thrown in the towel at the first sign of a gain!
Thank heavens I didn't! I know you're a "stayer" too!
Have a great weekend! Gae oxoxo
Hey Erin! I think you're doing so, so so fantastically! What others have said is true, sometimes people around you find it hard to adjust -- but eventually they do. And if they can't, you still find new people coming into your life, people who ONLY know the 'new' you.
ReplyDeleteForcing people to see your emotions is such a big, amazing step. It's forcing them to accept you as a person and treat you with the dignity you deserve. Particularly because you seem like one of those people who constantly work overtime behind the scenes and don't get the recognition you deserve for it.
What you're doing is wonderful! I hope you can appreciate that fact, and stay strong and love yourself and wear amazing clothes and be completely carefree.
Congrats! And update soon (you busy thing! :) )
-Katali