OK, current weight 102.5kg. Am soooooo pleased to have posted a loss. I don't deserve it this week and I think the 90 mimute walk I took to the house we are renovating, from the one we are renting is the only reason I didn't post a gain.
Looking back....Friday the inlaws arrived and we all had lean cuisines and veges. Sat I worked and we went out for Indian, which...although has some bad choices available...I think I chose OK. Sunday I worked and we went out, I chose fish and veges but the bruscetta before killed it..haha
It really started after they left....why is that? Relief? I don't know. Availability? The fact I could eat what I wanted and no one would see me??...most likely this is the answer. I've never been one to eat in public. It scares me that people would think..OMG look at that fat lady, why is she eating?? She shouldn't eat anymore she has eaten enough....but do people think that? Most likely they are so busy with their own lives they don't give a hoot what I'm doing.
Started at a young age....feeling judged. I guess it's something I never quite got over. I don't deal well with situations that challenge my sense of self and I hate strange people, or aquaintances invading my personal space...people laugh...I tell them.."stay outta this zone, only I can be in here". It's not a laughing matter. I'm hoping that by letting you all in..I will become more of who I can, without the care that I am constantly being judged by my appearance.
I want to be more healthy. I like feeling strong. When I get under 100kg I'm going back to the gym and I will probably commit to that more than I should...but it's all about me now. I've been what everyone wants me to be....I've been there for them..now I need to be there for me...
Have a great evening people....I'm off to nightshift!!!!! Sleep well!!!!!
Lions Change - over Dinner
Erin - 10 July 2010 (94.9kg)
Erin in Brisbane
94.9kg
Erin 15 Feb 2010
111.7kg
Congrats on the loss! I am sure the extra walking did help with the loss. I was surprised to have a loss, although small, too...but then I looked at my exercise points and I did a lot! This week I am already up with exercise points, so I am allowing myself an extra wine this week! :)
ReplyDeleteWe are allowed to go out for dinner, and do those things that other diets don't allow. We are allowed to do it without guilt.
I have always eaten at restaurants in public, but I always felt really weird at take out joints eg HJs or if I got drive through. I too thought people would think "that fat girl shouldn't eat." and not just eat that food, but eat in general!
Funny what we think others are thinking, and funnier that we really care about what absolute strangers think of us!
The WW program allows for special ocassions but NOW we know about portion control and less alcohol and sugar-based foods!
ReplyDeleteSo, you are doing fine and so long as you remember to track, track, track and drink your water, you'll find yourself in double figures in no time!
I'll be watching your posts to see how you go!
Best wishes - Gae oxoxo
I too have felt the feeling of .....OMG Why is that fat girl eating? I am sure though the general public is not too concerned with my gastranomic adventures but I think they are!
ReplyDeleteI think the thing you said about being there for you resonates most with me. I feel like I am there for everyone else...family, children, collegues but i am never there for the one person I should be ...me!!! It is a scary thought cause I am racked with guilt about being selfish. Is that a womans curse or a fat girls curse?