Well, to be honest am kinda glad it's over....:-(....Not at all the positive eating weekend I had hoped for.
To be honest with you all, since Easter I've kinda lost my way. Not to say I'm not tracking etc but I feel really confronted with the question..."Do I really want to loose this weight?"
Of course, as a Nurse, I definately understand the health benefits. As a Mother I understand I have kids that rely on my being available and healthy enough to care for them as required....
but I find myself feeling very confronted with how I will feel about me when I have lost the weight. Will I actually like me? Maybe I have over eaten all this time to cover up what I really think of me. Maybe if I feel unattractive, unapproachable, then I don't have to address the feelings of rejection...am I making sense. I mean if I can't blame my weight for not getting on with people, not feeling included, (in the past, not feeling attractive to the opposite sex) then what is the real reason for these things?????? Maybe I really am just a shitty character...haha
I can laugh....but maybe I just aren't really ready to face it. Then again...maybe I am and that's what's scaring me. Maybe I'm settling for things in life because I donn't feel worthy of anything better??? Like...the job, the partner, the home....so many things to think about and feelings to challenge.
I refuse to eat my way through the emotional questions in the rest of my life. Why should I? Why should I eat my way through the pain that other people cause me and let them stay "happy". Maybe I'm too nice?? Maybe I should just say what I'm thinking sometimes. Would that make me feel stronger???
OK...lots of questions there...lots of thinking to do. I will do this....FOR ME!!! I am sick of watching others take everything for themselves without thinking about me or the consequences...well it's time to change that. I want this for me....what bad could possibly come from this????? Is there any bad??? Hmmmm
OK...thought food. NEW WEEK. NEW WOMAN. NEW LIFE. NEW START.......luv yas
Lions Change - over Dinner
Erin - 10 July 2010 (94.9kg)
Erin in Brisbane
94.9kg
Erin 15 Feb 2010
111.7kg
Hello Erin
ReplyDeleteAll your comments brought back to mind how I felt (and lived) for far too long.
I ended up with lots of failed relationships because I was settling for NOT GOOD ENOUGH and then realising that none of my needs were being met.
FINALLY I had to have some relationship counselling to understand WHY?
I'm now happily single and concentrating on me and my needs.
All the very best as you seek the answers to your questions.
In the meantime, take the very best care of yourself, including your food and drink choices!
Believe me, you will feel more in control when you start getting your weight issue into control.
Much love - Gae oxoxox
Hello Erin
ReplyDeleteHere's the arm exercises that I do:
** lying on my back on the floor with a cushion under my head and the 1kg hand weights in each hand, I reach right back over my head as far as I can go, feeling the pull right down my arms, my chest and into my stomach!
** still lying on my back with the hand weights, I next reach out to the side as far as I can go, feeling the pull down my arms and into my chest
NOTE: I do these exercises, interspersed with sit-ups so I lie down with my feet under the lounge. I do 20 of each exercise and now repeat the set 4 times!
** Next I stand next to the lounge with just one hand weight whilst hanging onto the lounge arm with the other. Now I swing the weight back as high as possible and forward as high as possible feeling the pull down my arm. Do 20 then change to the next arm. I now repeat this 3 times.
** I also do touching toes and intersperse them with the standing arm exercises.
The whole set of floor and arm exercises with hand weights now takes me 30 minutes.
When I started I could only do a few of each!
PERSISTENCE IS THE KEY to weight loss and exercise!
Best wishes - Gae xoxoxo
PS - I got my hand weights from Big W