Well, I'm back!!!

Weight today 97kg. Couple of kg's up. I'm not shooting myself over it for many reasons. The most important being that I know I can do this. Thankyou to everyone that has encouraged me to get back into this. It has taken a few days of serious soul searching to even think about it...and..well..here I am again. I look forward to hearing from you all.
A few things have changed. I'm not doing that job that was so perfect. Long story...don't really want to go there. Some things aren't as perfect as they seem. Seems it's taken me more that my share of dissapoinments to figure that out. I have decided after reading my "stupid" posts before..that being overly nice to some people won't change their behaviours....only they can. So therefore only I can change mine...and I choose not to give a flying...rats...about some of the strange things that I think other people do and try to concentrate again a little on the things I can do that make me feel better. In the end...it's only me that makes me feel better??? Apparently?? I know that will get Gae started...:-) Luv ya Gae!!
Anyway, I will leave it there for now...I intend to get sorted this week. Empty the fridge of junk, clean up the house and pantry of "hidden" treats.
I want this...I want goal...and I want it for me. Luv yas!!!

wednesday weigh in..

Well...I stayed the same!! Lucky really!

I'm busy at work..at work isn't the problem. It's the evenings, at home. If I do extra work or study I feel guilty, but when I watch TV I start snacking. I don't really know why. Habit. Boredom? Diversional therapy from bad thoughts..I don't really know. I am kinda sick of being at this weight, in this mindset...just seems like I'm never going to get past this. Past the past I guess.

after reading Gae's post about learning to live with what we have and our shape, I'm starting to wonder if the flip side of that is we accept what we shouldnt'?? No offense Gae, I love the way you think and the way you make me think...but...if we accept it from ourselves...then how can we expect change in others? I know the situations are different..but kinda makes me wonder. If I am so critical of myself, maybe I'm too critical of others??hmmm..something to think about.

I'm a known bitch...and I kinda like it that way.haha Maybe I need to be a little less bitch and things will change, the scales will change cause I stop beating myself and everything around me up.hmmm..ONYA GAE..haha see blaming someone else..haha

OK..goal for this week...track...I haven't been to good with that one. TRACK TRACK TRACK..OK my luvlies....once again, thankyou all so much for the support and things to think about.
And ya know what, I do like getting new clothes, it just takes me twice as long to choose cause I try on 3 sizes to big to start with..haha

OH YEAH...I am actually wearing size 16 pants to work today!!! Not since..hmmm..7yrs ago could I wear size 16!!!! Way to go ME!!!!!

Seeyas

Big Night out!!

Well hi all..

Our big night went off well, without hitches and NO hangover. I am happy to tell you, besides a couple of drinks, which were planned, I ate well, chose well and managed to stay in control....YA me!!! :-)

I enjoyed getting dressed up, but in photos I have seen I'm still not happy with what I see. I know...it's better than it was, but it's still not who I feel like on the inside. I am wondering if I will ever look like the person I think I am. Anyway, for Gae I will post another pic.

My next big goal is under 90kg. Bring it on. I have a big week at work...lots to get done, planning to take care of....and I want to be super organised so that I don't eat whats handy..and not good points wize.

Have a great week everyone...stay motivated..we can do this...yeah..we CAN!!! I AM!!! WOOHOOOO

What an amazing week!!!

Well I have to say....this week I love my job!

Success at work always makes me smile...same as success on the scales!!

I know that its my hard work alone that makes it happen.

I know what you are saying Gae, about the pic...but I just feel if I keep that one there then it will remind me not to get to carried away with the lollies, bread, beer and laziness....Maybe I will change it when I hit 20kg...for now I still don't see much of a difference.

I know some of my clothes are not as tight...but it's weird that I still think fat. Like I'm fat...I can't seem to get my head around it. The other night we went to the shops...we have a big Lions do on the weekend...I have a nice dress etc already that I can wear...but when looking at other things to wear, I still choose the old size and feel like they put the wrong label on it if it's too big.

Nifty (other half) said to me, buy something that fits for a change, but I'm so used to covering up that which doesn't look the best, it's hard to not see that...is anyone understanding that??haha I don't know if I understand it..haha

Anyway, I'm looking forward to frocking up tomorrow night and hopefully I can post a sexy new pic to surprise us all..haha (somewhat wishful thinking but I can dream..right??haha)

Talk soon my luvlies!!!! And Gae, don't you dare come over here and not let me know...Nifty is away the first week of Oct but would love to drive down or catch up somehow..please...0429 102 976

Bye for now..

My Brisbane trip ROCKED!!!

Well I'm back!!!

I survived the weigh in..actually lost 300gms, although I know it's the 300 or so km's we walked had alot to do with it. I ate the wrong food, just not alot of it.

We ate at the fantastic ARIA restaurant on Eagle St. Fantastic...I can't say enough about it.

I spent so much money on jewellery, we went to the Brisbane young designers markets and it was FUN.

Australia zoo was AWESOME...we actually met Terri, Bindi and Bob Irwin and fed echidna's with them.

It was just fantastic and I'm back and I'm motivated.

OMG I am so busy at work....I have to be super organised with the lunches...I have to stop having lollies as quick sugar pickups and I have to get into the 80's!!!

So...bring it on...I can do this and THANKYOU GAE....you are a fricking legend!!!! I'm right on ya heels huny!!!

Today 16.8kg gone and I'm good..haha..well today anyway!!!

Talk soon luvlies...keep smiling and keep supporting each other!!!

It's been a while!!!

Hi everyone. I know...it's been a while and my weightloss has slowed...I knew this would be an emotional rollercoaster getting under 90kg and boy did I underestimate just how much of one.

Sometimes I would love to say...gimmmeeeee a TIMTAM...but I have already worked to damn hard to give up now. 16.5kg to date and I'm having an ok week. I spent some time in Perth with a close friend that involved too much alcohol...but ya know what, I'm really glad I did. I realised..at last..this is for me. Yep..selfish...I know...but it's for me.

About the weightloss...well I feel it more than I see it..although in the new pic I have posted of myself and my new work collegue..I thought I was alot bigger than her...I'm not as big as I thought..but I need some new clothes...I seriously look like the bag lady...and when I started there..what...6 weeks ago...those pants were tight...I need to measure again. I think the weight is changing...I'm changing shape..it's very odd and I didn't realise it until that photo.

I'm off to Brizzy on Tues for the long awaited trip with my daughter...0429 102 976 if anyone is interested in catching up. I intend to shop with my eyes, eat with my eyes and walk with my legs..haha I am going to make it a goal to walk those botanical gardens and re assess what I want from life. Who I want in it...and what my future holds. The 80's are waiting for me...and I want them more than ever.

Take care eveyone...today I feel like I was coming home...I need to blog more..I need the support you all provide. I can do this!!!!

Luv yas

Another Day Another Dollar

Well today I got called in to work. Benefits of being casual...(well the 2nd job is casual) I'm saving up for the trip to Brizzy at the end of the month.

My daughter took the latest pic...was about to go for a walk. Not looking real happy about life and realized looking at that pic that I still have such a bloody long way to go. Some days it's like climbing that never ending hill. Sometimes I think I concentrate too much on numbers. If I think of the different clothes that I'm wearing, the way I move and the feeling of clean living..haha if that makes sense?? I realise I have already come such a long way.

I don't think the goal of 65kg is too low. Some have said maybe it is...I dont think so. I am still struggling with this getting under 90kg. Why..well..it's an emotional wall...some weird protection system. Maybe I will feel better about myself and think I deserve more and don't want to face what repercussions that will have in my life. Who knows...maybe it will allow me to let go of the emotional baggage and have some happiness again. Have to get there and see hey??

I'm going to try this next week to eat less carbohydrates. I really am an addict of breads and rice etc. I don't feel better eating them...but I crave them. I keep within points but know I feel better on veges and fish...seriously...I really like them so I can eat them easily...I guess it's the convienience??? toast and soup is totally my fav small meal. I also love eggs on toast. I need to go back to omelete with veges...filling frees soups and lots of grilled fish.

I can do that...actually..I'm kinda looking forward to it...and the 89.9kg that will follow...haha

Take care all...luve yas.x.x.x